SETTING: Corneria, where the ikky virus gas has escaped into the exosphere and is orbiting the planet broodingly
Action: Saundra is running down the street to the local pawn shop, hoping nobody's bought her ship yet. In a few minutes she skids to a halt and runs inside Zero's Pawn Shop.
SAUNDRA: HI!!!
MR. ZERO: Well, hello. What have you come for today?
SAUNDRA: I pawned my ship a while ago and I've come back to claim it. How much is it?
MR. ZERO: Oh, you can have that back for free.
SAUNDRA: Wow! Thanks!
Action: Mr. Zero hands her the keys to the ship, which is parked out back. As Saundra is taking them, she notices a bunch of musical instruments.
SAUNDRA: All those instruments... Don't the musicians ever come back to claim them?
MR. ZERO: Well, you know how musicians are... here today, gone tomorrow...
SAUNDRA: That's very true. I'm a musician and I'm here today myself.
Action: She notices a beautiful harp out of the corner of her eye.
SAUNDRA: Oh! What a beautiful harp!
Action: She runs over to the harp and looks at it gushily.
SAUNDRA: The woodwork on that is just beautiful.. I love this harp...
MR. ZERO: Love it! All foolishness. No one loves things anymore. Desire, maybe...
SAUNDRA: I do. I love this harp. I'd do anything to get it.
MR. ZERO: Well, in that case...
Action: Mr. Zero snaps his fingers and a piece of paper and pen appear in his hands.
MR. ZERO: If you sign here, you can have the harp free of charge. Pay now, pay later.
SAUNDRA: Like consignment?
MR. ZERO: Yes... exactly like that.
Action: Mr. Zero chuckles evilly. Saundra signs the paper.
SAUNDRA: Oops. Maybe I should have read it first. Err, can I see that again?
MR. ZERO: There's really no point.
SAUNDRA: ...Oookay. Well, I'll see you later. And thank you!
Action: Saundra carefully drags the harp outside, puts it into her ship, and flies to her house. When she walks inside with the harp, there are three Venomian officers sitting in her living room eating ice cream.
SAUNDRA: You!
OFFICER 1: Us!
SAUNDRA: You're still here?
OFFICER 2: There was no reason to leave.
SAUNDRA: I guess you're right.
OFFICER 3: What's that?
SAUNDRA: It's a harp!
OFFICER 1: Oh, fun!
SAUNDRA: Yes, isn't it?
OFFICER 2: There's only one problem.
SAUNDRA: Hmm?
OFFICER 3: You can't play the harp.
SAUNDRA: Aww.... well, I guess you're right... I'd better take it back... but I really don't want to. It's so wonderful.
Action: Mr. Zero appears in a puff of smoke and looks at the Venomian officers.
MR. ZERO: You! What do you do here?
OFFICER 1: Well, you know, we do odd jobs around the house and stuff like that...
MR. ZERO: You don't need people like that anymore, Saundra. Not now that you have the harp.
SAUNDRA: Hmm.. but I don't know how to play it!
MR. ZERO: Yes you do. Play.
Action: Mr. Zero snaps his fingers and there is a brief flash of light.
MR. ZERO: Play, Saundra!
SAUNDRA: I know this isn't a joke because you wouldn't joke about the harp knowing how I feel about it because it would be a very cruel joke.
MR. ZERO: This isn't a joke, Saundra. Play.
Action: Saundra takes a deep breath and puts her fingers on the harp... and... begins to play extremely beautiful music!
OFFICER 2: Whoa! How did you learn to do that?!
SAUNDRA: Ehhh.... I don't know...!
OFFICER 3: Where did that weird guy go?
SAUNDRA: Mr. Zero? Where did.... you....
Action: The three Venomians and Saundra all turn and look directly at the camera.
ALL: He's gone!
Later...
SAUNDRA: *sigh* I love playing the harp.
OFFICER 1: It's a wonderful instrument.
Action: Mr. Zero appears in a puff of smoke.
SAUNDRA: *koff* *hack* What is that awful smell?
OFFICER 2: Oh, Mr. Zero's back.
SAUNDRA: *choke* Hi there.
MR. ZERO: It's time to go, Saundra.
SAUNDRA: What are you talking about?!
Action: Mr. Zero snaps his fingers and the piece of paper Saundra signed earlier appears in his hand. Mr. Zero holds it out at arm's length and reads it.
MR. ZERO: The undersigned hereby renounces all claims to his or her soul to one S. Zero on the grounds that he or she has been given the ability to play the harp. At the time of 0800 hours 14 December 1998, the undersigned must accompany the holder to the underworld where he or she agrees to remain for eternity.
Action: Saundra gulps audibly. The third Venomian officer (his name is Michael) picks up the contract with interest and examines it.
OFFICER 2 (his name is David): Wait a minute! It's not 8:00 yet. We still have thirty minutes.
MR. ZERO: Just trying to beat the cross-town traffic.
DAVID: Yeah, well, Saundra wants her last thirty minutes, please.
MR. ZERO: Have it your way. I'll be back.
Action: Mr. Zero disappears.
OFFICER 1 (his name is Micky): Don't worry, Saundra. We won't let him take you!
SAUNDRA: Guys.... I'm scared...
Action: Thirty minutes pass apprehensively. With a puff of smoke, the sky outside is suddenly red, and a slight scent of sulfur hangs on the air. Mr. Zero's back.
MR. ZERO: It's time, Saundra.
DAVID: Waitasecond! Isn't there any way you'll reconsider?
MR. ZERO: Absolutely none, young man.
MICHAEL: Is this contract valid?
MR. ZERO: It is legal and binding.
MICHAEL: Oh yeah? Well, I don't think so, and I'm willing to go to court to prove it.
MR. ZERO: ARE you! Fine, then. Let's go.
Action: Mr. Zero snaps his fingers again. When the smoke clears they're standing in a courtroom.
MR. ZERO: Welcome to the trial. Presiding is the honourable Judge Roy Bean... also known as the hanging judge.
Action: Judge Bean hits his gavel against the podium.
JUDGE ROY BEAN: Guilty!!!
MICKY: You can't declare her guilty yet, the trial hasn't even started!
Action: Judge Roy Bean grumbles.
MR. ZERO: The jury consists of twelve condemned criminals.
JURY: You'll soon be one of us!
DAVID: Think of it as.... joining a social club, Saundra.
JURY: Welcome to the club!
SAUNDRA: I wish they wouldn't do that.
