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A musical play in two
scenes
JESSICA
........................................................................ Zuki
SCENE
1: 1917, New York City, Central
Park
(LORETTA and ANGEL are walking in
the park having a discussion.)
LORETTA: So, Angel, what do
you want to do today?
ANGEL: I don’t know,
Loretta.
LORETTA: Say, wouldn’t
it be fun to go be suffragettes?
ANGEL: Oh.. uh.... I don’t
know.
(quietly) I’m
not even really a woman! I
can’t be a suffragette! What
am I going to do?
JESSICA:
Wow! Like, totally
radical! We’re going to
go protest!
JAMIE:
COOOOOL!
LORETTA:
Really?
JESSICA: Like,
totally! We’re going to
the most RADICAL protest that’s ONLY for
suffragettes! All the most RADICAL
suffragettes are going to be there!
Allow us to introduce ourselves!
JAMIE:
COOOOOOL!
JESSICA: I’m Jessica, and
this is Jamie! Like, we’re
totally SICK of all this uncool sexual
stereotyping! So we’ve decided to become man-and-boy haters and
complain about them all the time!
We’re also going to stop raising children and spend all our time
working and badmouthing the opposite sex!
JAMIE:
COOOOOOL!
ANGEL:
Oh.
(*snicker*)
LORETTA: Gee, Jessica, I don’t
know. I think raising children
is kind of neat.
JESSICA: Whoa, like, you are
totally outdated! Don’t
you know that EVERY female should forget about children and spend the rest
of their lives being totally RADICAL feminists?
JAMIE:
COOOOOOL!
LORETTA: You mean, like, burn
our corsets and stuff?
JESSICA:
Totally! All the most
RADICAL people are becoming suffragettes and feminists and burning their
corsets!
JAMIE:
COOOOOOL!
LORETTA: What are we waiting
for? Let’s go declare war
on men and boys!
JESSICA: Now you’re getting
the idea!
JAMIE:
COOOOL!
ANGEL: But why’d you pick
us to come to your protest?
JESSICA: We saw you and thought
you looked totally COOL and radical!
JAMIE:
COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL!!!!!!
(LORETTA, JESSICA, and JAMIE burn their
corsets. ANGEL looks
uncomfortable.)
SCENE 2- Outside of the White House a
few months later
(JESSICA and
JAMIE are sitting on the White
House steps with their halfway burned corsets. They are holding protest that
read ,”Feminists and Suffragettes are the most RADICAL and COOL people
around.”)
JESSICA:
Where are our little friends from Central
Park? They are late! This is
just so, like so UNCOOL an UNRADICAL!
JAMIE: UNCOOOOOOL!!!
(ANGEL enters in a business suit
and slacks. She/he is holding
a small black briefcase)
ANGEL (speaking in a mostly male
voice): Hiya chicas! How is life?
JESSICA: It was fine until,
like you came in those so UNRADICAL an UNCOOL
clothes. So unfashionable, and
what is with your voice!?
JAMIE:
UNCOOOOOOOOOOL!
ANGEL (shyly): Well, I have turned
over a new leaf. This
suffrage stuff is just not me anymore.
I am going off to start my own business as an
entrepreneur.
JAMIE: UNCOOOOOOOOL!
(LORETTA enters the scene. She is
looking most feminist today. She
is wearing a shirt that reads “I Am A Feminist, Hear Me
Roar!”)
LORETTA: How is it going my
most feminist friends?
ANGEL: Who are you calling a
feminist?
JESSICA: It seems that there are like,
SOME COOL people are here to support us.
JAMIE: COOOOOOOOL!
LORETTA: I brought some of my
friend that I have made along the way to help us.
ANGEL: I am leaving. You females are
scaring me. I know! I will become
an ANTI-FEMINIST! (ANGEL now known as DIRTY
COPPER)
DIRTY
COPPER: I am going to go and
get some doughnuts. (DIRTY COPPER retreats to a bathroom to dance in front
of a mirror)
JAMIE: COOOOOL!!!!
JESSICA: So, Loretta, when are your
friends going to arrive.
LORETTA: Oh, any moment
now...
(UNRULY MOB OF FEMINISTS enters the
scene)
UNRULY MOB: We are here for you,
Jessica!
(cheers)
LORETTA: I knew they would come! Let's
begin!
JAMIE: COOOOOOOOOL!
JESSICA: Yes, COOL.
(UNRULY MOB exits but is really still
there. Show to be there by a sign that reads “Unruly Mob of
Suffragettes”
(DIRTY COPPER enters the scene looking
very amused with him/herself)
DIRTY COPPER: What do you unruly mob
think YOU are doing here (pointing at little
sign)? Get off of the steps
of the White House now!
JESSICA: We are
protesting. We women want the
right to vote.
JAMIE: COOOOOOOL!!
LORETTA: We are burning our
already burned corsets! We want
to vote! You evil fiend!
JAMIE: COOOOOOL!!
LORETTA (looking especially
confused): Does Jamie say anything other than “COOOL!” and
“UNCOOL!”?
JESSICA: No, she is kinda slow...but
she is still like, a really RADICAL person. Just look at those COOL clothes
she is wearing!
LORETTA: No wonder all she does is follow
you around all of the time.
JAMIE: COOOL!! UNCOOL!! No,
wait, not that. I cannot be silent any longer. I am actually a very well
educated and well known person. I am one of the lead suffragettes in the
world. HEAR ME ROAR!
RAAARRRRR!
JESSICA (looking especially
confused): Oh I see... DEAR ME! I now know the REAL COOL YOU! You are
even cooler than before!
JAMIE: Yes, I am.
LORETTA (picks up a newspaper):
Hey, ladies. LOOK AT THIS!!
JESSICA: YEAH! We
won.
DIRTY COPPER:
Huh? (looks at
paper) All of my dreams of
danc...I mean men always getting their way RUINED!
LORETTA:
Ha!
Ha! How awfully
funny! Now men shall never get
their way AGAIN!
JESSICA:
RADICAL! Let’s go
beat up the president!
JAMIE: Under the present
circumstances, Jessica, that might not be a very well thought out
action.
LORETTA:
*sigh* I suppose Jamie
is right. What should we do
now?
JESSICA: Let’s go down
to the totally RADICAL box office and, like, cast our totally cool and radical
VOTES!
JAMIE:
COOOOOOOL!
LORETTA:
Wait!!
JESSICA: What is
it?
LORETTA: All the candidates
are MEN!
(JESSICA and JAMIE crash to the
ground.)
JESSICA
AND JAMIE:
AAH!!
DIRTY
COPPER:
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! YOU
WILL NEVER DEFEAT US!!! NEVER!! NEVER!!!
AAAAAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA..... (DIRTY COPPER dies
laughing.)
JESSICA: Whoa, that’s totally
disgusting!
JAMIE:
EEEEEWWWW!!!
LORETTA:
HEY! I have an
idea!
JESSICA: And what’s
that?
LORETTA: Let’s go run for
president!
JAMIE:
COOOOOOL!
JESSICA:
HEY! Jamie, you’re
only supposed to affirm MY comments!
JAMIE: Oh yeah, I
forgot!
JESSICA: Let’s try this
one more time. Let’s go
run for president!
JAMIE:
COOOOOOL!
JESSICA: Much
better!
LORETTA: Shouldn’t somebody
get rid of the dirty copper’s body?
JESSICA: Yuk, that’s
gross! Let’s let a man
do it.
JAMIE:
COOOOOL!
LORETTA: Well, girls, this is
just another step forward for all that is feministic, maniacal, and
presumptuous!
JESSICA: And another nail in
the coffin for all that is right and good and true!
(JESSICA, JAMIE, and LORETTA laugh
evilly and exit the scene.)
(Curtain call!!!) |
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