Peter P-Halsten P-Thorkelson’s Pet Penguin P-Charlie

One day, Mike, Micky and Davy were grocery shopping. Peter hadn’t wanted to go, so he just sat at home playing chess with Mr. Schneider. Finally he got bored and decided to go buy a pet penguin. He’d name it Charlie, he decided, so he looked through the paper to find someone selling penguins named Charlie. He found a kindly old lady who called him “Sonny” and agreed to sell him a penguin named Charlie.
 Overjoyed, Peter took a wicker basket with a red checkered cloth and rode his unicycle over to the address the old woman had given him. The ride was all the way across town, and he got kind of tired, so he stopped for a rest at the playground.
  Meanwhile, the old woman, whose name was Mrs. Robinson, was telling her penguin all about his soon-to-be owner. “His name is Sonny,” she said. “He’s real sweet. You’ll like him.” Charlie was a rude penguin, and he laughed loudly and spat in Mrs. Robinson’s face. He had a habit of doing that.
  Peter had gotten his strength up again and ridden the rest of the way to Mrs. Robinson’s house. She came out and waved cheerily with Charlie. “Hillo, my boy! Charlie here is a good penguin.”
  Peter grinned. “How much?”
 “Aww, you seem like a nice kid. He’s free.”
 Peter smiled again, and Charlie came running over. “Sonny!” Charlie said. “I love you, Sonny!”
 Peter was happy. He put Charlie in the basket and rode back to the pad with him. He didn’t get as tired this time, because every once in a while Charlie would take over pedaling and Peter would ride in the basket.
 When Peter got home, Davy, Micky and Mike still weren’t back. He shrugged and was about to fix himself a tuna sandwich, but then remembered that they were out of tuna salad, which was why the others had gone to the grocery store. He sighed and took the chess board away from Mr. Schneider and played chess with Charlie instead. Charlie didn’t know the rules so Peter got out a deck of cards and they played War. Charlie lost the first game and got frustrated and spat in Peter’s face. Somewhat disheartened, Peter was in a state of distress for about 10 minutes, and finally Peter got out Chutes and Ladders. Charlie liked that, so they played it until the others got home.
 Mike, Davy and Micky walked in the door a few minutes later with tuna salad and cookies.
 “Hi, guys!” said Peter. “What took so long?”
 Davy shrugged. “We got held up in line.”
 Micky notised the penguin and stared at it for a long time. Charlie stared back. “That penguin reminds me of a valet. I can’t quite put my finger on it, BUT....”
  Mike groaned. “Peter, we can’t afford a penguin!”
 “We can! He was free.”
  “But penguins have to eat...they eat...raw fish.”
  “So do I. It’s my favourite food,” beamed Peter.
  Davy made a face. Charlie spoke up.
 “I like nachos!” he said.
  Mike looked at Charlie again. “We can’t afford nachos for him and pay the rent. We’ll have to sell our unicycles and maybe even the motorcycles, and we’ll only be able to eat out every other day.” Everyone groaned. Charlie spat in Mike’s face. Mike eyed Charlie once more, critically. “I’m sorry Pete, he’ll have to go.”
 Charlie started to cry. “No!! Sonny!! I love you, Sonny!”
  Peter almost started to cry himself. “Charlie’s my friend! We can afford it, you’ll see!”
 Micky’s eyes got wide. “Oh! The landlord! We’ll have to hide the penguin, Mr. Babbit is coming this afternoon to collect the rent.”
  Davy looked worried. “We can’t afford the rent! We couldn’t even afford a bottle of milk! What are we going to tell ‘im this time?”
 Charlie waddled around in little circles. “I’ll make money!”
  Peter clasped his hands together. “Yay!”
 Mike turned to Charlie skeptically. “And just how are you going to make money?”
  Charlie made a defiant face. “Yo, I’m a cute penguin. There’s demand for cute penguins this day in age. I’ll make money.”
  “Don’t you talk back to me, young man!” Mike cautioned Charlie sternly.
 Charlie spat in his face and waddled out the door.
 Peter, Davy, Micky and Mike sat around the table and stared at each other for three hours.
 Charlie returned with bags of money and set them down on the floor. “Landlord here yet?”
  Davy’s mouth dropped open. “Where did you get all that money? What did you--did you rob a bank or somethin?”
  Mike rubbed the back of his head with a worried countenance.
  Peter looked hard at Charlie. “You better have made all that honestly or we’ll take you in to jail!”
  Charlie burst out in tears again. “I was just trying to help! I hate you!” Charlie spat in all four of their faces and ran out the door.
 “Charlie!! Wait!” Peter called after him, distraught. “Oh, now look what you did! You hurt his feelings!!” Peter went and sat down in a corner and sulked and wouldn’t talk to anyone.
  A few hours later, Charlie came back in. “I’m sorry I stole that money. I’ll take it back now.”
  Peter looked around. “It’s okay. But it was wrong to take the money.”
  Charlie stared at his webbed feet. “I’m sorry. It was wrong of me to steal. I’ve learned my lesson. I’ll never do it again."
 Peter turned around. “Okay. You better take it back now.”
  Charlie picked up the bags of money and carried them out the door. “Suckers!” he said to himself and went and bought candy with the money. He never went back to the Monkees Pad and was very evil and wicked and nobody ever liked him because he was rude and mean. But then the police apprehended him and he was a hardened criminal penguin by then and went to jail for a long time and then everything was okay because the police understood that Peter wasn’t responsible for his corruption and the old lady started visiting the Monkees every Saturday and brought them carrot cakes with files in them in case they were ever in jail, and cookies because they all liked cookies, and credit cards with big spending limits. And they all lived happily ever after, except for Charlie, but after ten years in jail he was reformed and became a monk in South Africa, and THEN they all lived happily ever after.

THE END