The Day Slippy Went Mad

Slippy was painting his toenails instead of helping Fox, Falco, and Peppy with their mission. They were all pretty mad at him. "Hey!" Slippy said in his own defense, "It's not like I do much good anyway."

Nobody could argue that.

Fox, meanwhile, had lost both wings and was cursing. Or, as close to cursing as the game allowed--

"Shoot! Darn! Crud!" He said, while taking heavy damage.

Falco was off shooting down various Bogeys, ridiculing them and the other Star Fox members all the while.

Peppy offered his usual very helpful advice to the endangered Fox, in the form of "Try a somersault!" "Do a barrel roll!" and such stuff.

"AAAAAAAAh-AHHAAAA!!!" Fox screamed.

"Use bombs wisely." Peppy offered.

And then, *it* happened.

"Hey," said Slippy as his toenails dried, "I really should be out there fighting."

Slippy jumped in his arwing, careful not to mess up his nails, and flew off to join the battle.

There was only one problem.

Rob64 had done some work on Slippy's arwing. It now was equipped with <cue organ music> the Zero System.

The arwing began making rapid calculations of the battle, and Slippy was of course a mite surprised by this-- "What the heck?" he asked, as powerfully as he could.

*beep beep*

"You are my enemy..." Slippy chanted, as he began shooting down some enemies.

"What's going on?! Is Slippy being USEFUL?!" asked Falco.

"Just shoot it, Fox!" Peppy helped.

And then, Fox felt his Arwing go crashing down into the earth, thanks to a shot from behind.

"SLIPPY?!" He screamed as he died.

"Ha ha ha! You are my enemy!" Slippy sounded downright maniacal.

"Quit dinkin' around, Slip." Peppy reprimanded him. "Fox is dead, now, and it's all your fault!"

"I'll show YOU dinkin' around!" Slippy shot down Peppy's arwing.

Falco smirked. "Guess it's only me, now. You're going down, Slip!"

Slippy jumped out of the Arwing. "No, you're goin' down, Falco!"

Falco jumped out of his arwing, too.

Slippy grunted and was breathing heavily. "Just as soon as I charge this ball of energy..."

Falco grunted and breathed heavily as well. "Not if I charge this ball of energy first..."

They stood there, not doing anything noticeably useful for a good half hour, and then...

A rose struck the ground between them, and Falco and Slippy both turned to its source with hearts in their eyes. "Tuxedo Ryouga-sama!" They shouted in unison.

Ryouga stood masculinely, silhouetted by the full moon. "You two have no reason to fight. Clean up the mess you've made out of the surface of this planet!"

Falco folded his wings. "It was ALL SLIPPY. He went insane from using the zero-system."

Slippy fell onto his knees and began weeping. "It is all my fault! I've made a terrible mistake!"

Tuxedo Ryouga sighed. "Oh, no... Hey, Falco, where am I?"

Falco shrugged.

Slippy continued his misery-- "And now Fox and Peppy are dead and it's my fault! And we'll never defeat Andross because it's my fault! The world is a terrible place because it's all my fault! Candy bars are fattening because of me! The Texas Blind Salamander is endangered because of ME!"

Ryouga and Falco agreed.

"Guess you have to die." Ryouga said.

"I'll do the honours..." Falco's eyes gleamed a red, evil colour.

"Waiiiiiiit!" Relena Peacecraft came running up. "Killing him isn't totally pacifist!"

"It's the only choice we can make." Said Ryouga.

"Oh. Carry on, then. Need my endorsement?"

"No, thanks." Falco rejected her with a wave of his hand and a bit of cardiac arrest.

Tuxedo Ryouga nudged Falco. "There are two of us." He said.

And two people to kill. They both thought it, but didn't say it.

Falco beheaded Slippy.

Tuxedo Ryouga ripped off Relena's arms and beat her with them.

Then they burned the corpses.

But Ryouga and Falco accidentally fell into the blaze, so everyone involved in this story is dead now.

The end.