with your bad self


(Mario has climbed Booster Tower to the top, searching for Toadstool.  He finds the top room and sees a door on the other end that leads to the balcony.  Incidentally, that's where Toadstool is.)

(Toadstool sees him)

TOADSTOOL:  Mario!  You DID come to rescue me.  I was so frightened and lonely.  But now that you're here....
   (Mario tries to open the door)
 The door won't open?  I think we need Booster's spell  to undo the lock on it.  Oh, what should we do?

(Mario ponders)

A... ha!

TOADSTOOL:  What should we do?  Booster is returning, isn't he?  I know!  Hide somewhere and wait until he opens the door.

(Mario looks for a hiding place.  He ducks behind the curtains on the far wall.)

You can move freely
behind the curtains.
Good luck hiding from Booster
and his Snifits.

(Booster and Snifits enter)

(Booster stares at beetle cage)

SNIFIT 1:  Boss, shouldn't we be concentrating on the girl?

BOOSTER:  Right!  Now, about the girl in my life, who thinks I should marry her?  Well?  Speak up!

SNIFIT 2:  A wedding ceremony would make a great PARTY!

BOOSTER:   Ah, a party!  We haven't had one of those.  It could be fun!  So...what is a party?

SNIFIT 3:  Well, you drink punch and eat CAKE!  ...I think.

BOOSTER:  Hmmm...  Drink punch...eat cake...?  It sounds...complicated.  I don't know if I can muster the energy to do it...  Let's walk through it once!  It's wedding rehearsal time!

(They get ready!  Snifit 2 is priest, Snifit 1 is witness, and Snifit 3, who has a Toadstool doll on his head, is Toadstool.  And a lovely bride he is.  Booster is himself.)

 We will now begin the ceremony.  Walk down the aisle with the... (hey someone make her smile!) beautiful bride-to-be.

(Booster and Snifit 3 walk down the aisle, which is really just the room.)

BOOSTER:  Wait! Mario always shows up about now to ruin the fun. We've got to take that into consideration, you know.  Someone go and get the Mario doll.

(The Snifits search for the Mario doll.)

It isn't here.

BOOSTER:  Of course it's here!  You lazy slobs couldn't find water if you were fish!  It's behind those curtains!  Number one, you go and look.

(Snifit 1 searches meticulously behind the curtains, but Mario evades him.)

Nope, it isn't here.

BOOSTER:  I wouldn't go and lose my Mario doll, you idiots!  Argh!!  Number two, YOU look, too!

(Snifits 1 and 2 search.  Mario eludes them.)

SNIFITS 1 & 2:
Nope, it isn't here.

BOOSTER:  We can't give up!  It's gotta be here somewhere.  Number 3!  It's your turn!

(All 3 Snifits look.  Mario has a hard time of it, but isn't found.  Only one curtain section remains closed.)

BOOSTER:  Wait a minute!

(Snifits look at him)

 This is better than a party!
 Look out, 'cause here I come!

(He opens the last section...)

(Mario ducks...)

(Booster jumps back...)

BOOSTER:  Wait a second!  It's right up there!  I found the Mario doll!

(Snifits go behind Booster.  Mario comes out and joins them in their staring at the doll.)

BOOSTER:  But we'll NEVER be able to reach it up there.  Oh!  The sorrow!  What AM I gonna do...?  I'm about to lose it...sniffle...

(Booster cries)

(Mario walks over and knocks the doll down)

BOOSTER:  Goodness!  You're so kind!  Thank you for getting my doll!  I'd like to reward you.  Here, take this.

Got an "Amulet"

BOOSTER:  May happiness follow you, wherever you go.  All right!  Enough is enough!  Cancel the rehearsal, we're going
 on with the show!

(Booster goes to the locked door onto the balcony with Snifits in towe.)

BOOSTER:  Here's the password!

[insert name here]

(They leave.  Snifit 3 takes a fleeting glance at Mario...and then the doll....but says nothing.)

(Mario and pals follow Booster onto the balcony.  Two clown dudes jump down.)

KNIFE GUY:  Wait!  You took all the trouble to come here, so...stick around!

(they hit each other a bit)

KNIFE GUY:  Come on, brother!  Let's thrash 'em!

GRATE GUY:  Whoopdy do!

(They team up.  After getting whalloped a few times...)

KNIFE GUY & GRATE GUY:  Yikes!  They're pretty tough!

(After some more of their little scrap, Knife-and-Grate Guy kick it and Mario and his pals jump off the balcony to follow Booster.   Quite a fall, that, but I guess they don't mind.)

(Cut to Booster Hill, where Booster is with Toadstool.)

TOADSTOOL:  Please, let me go!  Won't you...please?  Pretty please?

BOOSTER:  Eh?  Where's my bride-to-be?  I wanna play hide and seek, too!

TOADSTOOL:  Yuck, I don't want to play ANYTHING with you!

BOOSTER:  What a poor sport!  Well, we really should hurry along.  A yummy cake is waiting for us after we climb this hill!  Let's GO!

TOADSTOOL:  NO!  I don't want to marry you.  Please let me go!

(Mario runs in)

TOADSTOOL:  Help!  Mario!  Please help meeeeeee!

BOOSTER:  Uh oh!  It's Mario!  We didn't plan on this.

BOOSTER:  Mario, you aren't invited to our wedding!  Besides, we still have to have the rehearsal!  I'll be happy to race you to the wedding hall, but......  you'd better not get in my way.  Ready?

(and then we RUNS up the hill very fast, my precious, O yes, very fast...)

(And once we're at the top, Booster splits, but we follows him, O yes, doesn't we?)

LADY:  Welcome to Marrymore!  We have a lovely wedding hall, and four-star hotel facilities!  Please enjoy your stay here.  What?  You're seeking a man with the face of a totem pole...?  How could I forget him?!  He's up at the wedding hall.

(Mario goes up to the wedding hall to put a damper on Booster's plans.)

LADY #2:  We were about to begin the ceremony when some kids, wearing dark clothes, kicked us out!



(Snifit 1 kicks Raz & Raini out of the building and onto the street with everyone else)

SNIFIT 1:  Booster's wedding is in progress.  We've barricaded the door, so don't even bother trying to sneak inside.

(Backs into the doorway and closes the door)

LADY #2:  There!  I think that's the one who kicked us out!

OLD LADY:  I came all the way over here to give these two a proper send off, and LOOK what happens!

DUDE:  This must be a first!  A perfect couple who isn't going to live happily ever after...  I give up!

LADY #3:  Who's the nut case who blew in screaming,  "It's time for MY wedding!"?

Just who does he think HE IS?!

DUDE #2:  Who's the guy with a totem pole for a face?!  He and Princess Toadstool were...
 ...No...!  Don't tell me...they're getting ....MARRIED?

RAZ:  This was supposed to be my wedding day... All my plans have been ruined...

RAINI:  It was my dream to stay in the SUITE after we got married!

(Mario tears himself away from the heartbroken couple and their distraught friends to go check the door.)

SNIFIT 1:  I'm not letting you in here!  And you can forget about the back entrance.  It's locked.  At least I THINK it is...

(Mario goes around back to check out this so-called back entrance...and it's unlocked!  He sneaks into the kitchen.)

CHEF TORTE:  Ve bake a cake for za BIG vedding!  It must be...masterpiece!

APPRENTICE:  Yeah, the groom-to-be ordered something special.  Wait until he sees THIS!

(Mario stupidly jumps on the cake)

CHEF TORTE:  Vat...VAT?!  Vat are you doing?!

APPRENTICE:  Oh, that's nice,  you just stepped on the...



(They knock Mario off the cake.  Miffed, he goes on to the lobby.)


Halt!  Who goes there?

SNIFIT 1:  You LOOK like Mario, but the door's shut tight.  Listen, Mustache, you and your overgrown turtle-friend can take a hike!  Go!  Scat!  Make like Mario and jump outta here!  GET LOST!

(Mario jumps to signify that he is indeed Mario and not just some yahoo off the streets.)

SNIFIT 1:  Oops... We've got a problem...  I'd better go tell Booster.

(He runs at the next door and tries to break it down.)

SNIFIT 1:  It won't budge.

SNIFIT 1:  Say, wanna help me bust this door down?!  On the count of 3, we'll run TOGETHER!  Timing's the key!

SNIFIT 1:  Ready?  Here we go!

(Neither of them actually counts to 3, but eventually they slam into the door at the same time and break it down.  Mario skids to a halt in the next room, but Snifit 1 collides with Snifit 2 and they both go sailing into the chapel.)

SNIFT 1 & 2:  Booster, sir!  Mario's here!

BOOSTER:  You clowns!  You DON'T break a door down when entering a room!  Shut it!  SHUT IT NOW!  Move it, MOVE IT!!!!

TOADSTOOL:  Mario!  Is that you, Mario?!  I'm in here!!  Hurry!  I'm scared!

(But the door closes right in Mario's face before he can rescue ANYONE...)

(Mario checks it out)

SNIFITS:  We're pretty sure Mr. Mustache can't break in here.  But that turtle looks pretty mean.  He could be trouble!

BOWSER:  They have no IDEA what they're up against!  (laughing)  I'm lighting in a bottle!  I'm an earthquake in a can!
 I'll bust this open in no time!

(Mario inquires further)

BOWSER:  You don't bring too much to the party, but why don't you help me here, anyway.  At least you'll feel like you did SOMETHING!

(They run together and....fly RIGHT into the chapel and into Toadstool, who is bunged all the way to the other side of the room and drops all her stuff.  Graceful.)

TOADSTOOL:  Owwwwww!  Watch what you're doing!  Great! .... Now I've dropped my shoes,  my ring, ... my brooch and ...MY CROWN!!!  (cries)

SNIFITS:  Booster, Sir!

(Snifits pick up the crying Toadstool and ferry her up to the altar)

SNIFIT 1:  Booster, I, um...

BOOSTER:  Don't bother me now.  Okay, everyone!  The bride is growing impatient!  Let the wedding begin...!  (walks to Toadstool)  What's this...?  Water...coming from your eyes?!  Are you leaking, my dear?!  (opens mouth and catches some tears)

Tastes salty!

SNIFIT 2:  Booster, Sir, uh... I believe that the bride may be... uh, ...Crying...

BOOSTER:  Crying?  But that's what people do when they're...sad!!  How DISGUSTING!  That stuff must be corrosive!
 It tastes...like the sea!  What could be making her...cry, anyway?

SNIFIT 3:  I believe she is crying because she has dropped some of  her...wedding gear.

BOOSTER:  Aha!  Of course!  She has dropped her gear.  But those tears will ruin the cake!  Make her stop... ...before Mario breaks in!


But...Mario's ALREADY in...

SNIFIT 2:  BOOSTER, Sir, hurry and find her things!  We have to get on with the wedding!  In the mean time, perhaps we can ...do something about the cake...

BOOSTER:  10-4, good buddy.  You find her stuff... I'll move the ceremony forward.  Hurry!  (Pulls the still-crying Toadstool over to altar)

SNIFIT 2:  Booster, Sir, you're supposed to be on the right.  The bride should be on your left.

(Booster switches places with Toadstool)

BOOSTER:  Just testing... Like this, right?

(Snifits run through aisles to find Toadstool's stuff)

SNIFIT 3:  Booster, Sir!  I found the Ring!

SNIFIT 1:  Booster!  Here's the Brooch!

SNIFIT 2:  Booster, Sir!  I found the Shoes!

BOOSTER:  ...Hey wait!  Wasn't there one more thing?


...You're right!  The Crown!

Hurry and get back
the accessories from the Snifits
and save Princess Toadstool.
If you're quick, something good
just might happen!

SNIFIT 1:  Ho HO!  I'll look for the last one. YOU go give this to Booster.

Got her Brooch!

SNIFIT 3:  Ho HO!  I'll look for the last one.  YOU go give this to Booster.

Got her Ring!

SNIFIT 2:  Ho HO!  I'll look for the last one. YOU go give this to Booster.

Got her Shoes!

(Mario finds the crown on top of Booster's head, then gives all the stuff to Booster.)

BOOSTER:  Ho HO!  Here it is! ...HEY!  You're Mario!  So!  You've come to crash my wedding, I presume?

(Bowser makes another appearance)

TOADSTOOL:  Mario! ... You're FINALLY here!  (sees Bowser and jumps reeeally high, landing gracefully on Mario.)

TOADSTOOL:  SHRIEK!!!  What is Bowser doing HERE?

BOWSER:  What a waste of time!  I've got bigger fish to fry...!

TOADSTOOL:  I know I'm in good hands when you're around, Mario!

Here's a kiss for my hero!

BOWSER:  Oh, isn't that great!  You're gonna kiss HIM when I'M the one who saved your skin!

BOOSTER:  Me too!  I want a reward!  I'll take a kiss!  Give me a KISS!!!

TOADSTOOL:  Stop it, all of you!  I'm getting SO confused!  Mario, let's start with you!

(After a long, confusing, potentially disturbing and varying kiss scene ...)

TOADSTOOL:  Now THAT'S one for the scrapbook!  (ed.note:  don't ask) Come, Mario, let's get back to Mushroom Kingdom.  The Chancellor's waiting for us.

(Mario gathers up Toadstool and Bowser and is just leaving when...)

CHEF TORTE:  Zorry to haf kept you vaiting.

APPRENTICE:  We've made the most AMAZING cake!  You won't believe it!

CHEF TORTE:  Heir ist cake... But...vhere are bride und groom?

(They wheel in enormous cake with worried countenances)

APPRENTICE:  (hopping)

This is BIG trouble!


Za bride ist LEAFING?

(Toadstool comes out)

APPRENTICE:  You're taking the bride...AWAY?!

CHEF TORTE:  But...zhere von't be anyone to eat zees cake!

APPRENTICE:  What?!  This can't be!  We worked ALL DAY on it!



(Chef Torte and the Apprentice fight with Mario and pals)

(The cake moves.  The Apprentice notices this interesting fact and hurries to inform Chef Torte.)

Poke, poke, poke!

TORTE:  Ouch!  OUCH!  Vat are you doing?!

APPRENTICE:  Chef Torte!  The cake's MOVING!

TORTE:  (looks earnestly at cake)  Vas?!  Ist NOT moving!  Back to verk!

APPRENTICE:  I KNOW it was moving!

(Some more punching and whatnot)

(Cake moves again, and again the Apprentice witnesses.)

Poke, poke, poke!

TORTE:  Ouch!  OUCH!

TORTE:  Now vat?

APPRENTICE:  Chef Torte!  The cake's MOVING!

TORTE:  Talk no more of zees!

APPRENTICE:  No!  Really, truly.  Why would I lie?

TORTE:  Because you are...IDIOT! (They look at cake)  Zee!  It IS NOT moving!

(cake moves)


TORTE:  Zee cake's alive!  RUN!!


(They split)

Blow those candles out!

(We beat up the cake for a while.  Yes, this is truly a sane game that makes perfect sense.)

(Snifit 1 runs in)

SNIFIT 1:  Maybe we ought to wait.

(Snifit 2 runs in)

SNIFIT 2:  This is Booster's wedding cake!

(Enter Snifit 3)

SNIFIT 3:  He'll have a fit if we nibble on it!

(Enter Booster, who immediately jumps onto the cake)

BOOSTER:  Hey, No. 1!  Where's my cake?!

SNIFIT 1:  Booster, Sir!  There's a 70% chance the object you're standing on is a cake.

BOOSTER: ........?  THIS thing's a cake?  (jumps off) Okay, everyone!!  Here's the stumper. How do we eat this?  I SAY we boil it!  No. 2, what do you say?

SNIFIT 2:  Way too messy! Why don't you just swallow it whole?

BOOSTER:  WHAT?!  In one GULP?   That's easier said than done!

SNIFIT 3:  Come, Booster!  You can do it! Open wide, please!

BOOSTER:  My nerves are shot.   I feel like I've forgotten to tie my cord before a bungee jump!

SNIFIT:  Here it comes!

(Cake moves)


BOOSTER:  Did the cake just move?

SNIFIT:  Concentrate, Sir!

BOOSTER:  This doesn't feel right.

(Snifits throw cake up in the air.  It lands in Booster's cavernous mouth and he swallows it.)

BOOSTER:  Mmmmm... Delicious!  It's so good it makes me want to cry!

SNIFIT:  Congratulations, Sir.  The wedding is now officially over!!

BOOSTER:  Thanks, everyone.

BOOSTER:  It's a wrap.  Let's go.

(Booster & Snifits leave)

TOADSTOOL:  That was wonderful!  Mario, you're my knight in shining armor!

Finally...let's get back.

 Oh, what a day...!  Can you believe it?!  I almost got MARRIED to that...thing!  But I...I hope someone marries me someday!

"Toadstool", Princess of
Mushroom Kingdom,
has joined the party.
Be sure to bring her back safely!