So anyway, today I went to the airport to see Zucchan off, because she's moving to Germany, and very likely, she's never coming back. I couldn't cry. It sucked, because, it's like, what if she thinks I don't care, what if I look like I don't really mind that she's going away forever, what if it looks like I don't like her as much as Keffy and Krystal do? Why can't I cry? I cried last night, so why couldn't I today? Last night... that sucked too. I was getting a present for her. Mum suggested jewelry and I thought it was great. So we go to... Wal-Mart, I think, first, and they had a cool looking necklace but it wasn't at all personal and it turned out to be really badly made. I wanted to get something with a panda or unicorn or cow... anyway, they had nothing there, so we went to the mall.
I feel like I'm not listening to God anymore... how random is that? It's because mum didn't know if we should park near Foley's, near Mervyn's, or in the middle, and thought maybe we could pray about it. And I did, and I sorta got a leaning toward Mervyn's. But for some reason I didn't say anything. I wanted to part at Foley's instead, and then I started feeling guilty, and then I was thinking about Dead Lands and how no matter how many times I pray about it the answer is still to leave but how I keep on doing it because I really didn't want to leave. That's moot now because the whole thing's gone to the other place, but I just wonder why I wouldn't accept it. I mean, consciously, I both knew what God wanted but didn't know... which makes no sense. ...and about the Mervyn's thing. I didn't say anything at all and kept on sitting there thinking about whether I was making things up for myself or if God really did give me something and I was just ignoring it. I have no idea why I didn't say anything about Mervyn's. I just couldn't... mum decided to park by Foley's, but at the last minute I said "how about Mervyn's instead," and she was like "okay." I don't see... why I couldn't just say it earlier...? I don't know why I didn't want to say it...
...
At Mervyn's I was looking for stuff. I was incredibly tired and felt really horrid... mum showed me this necklace thing that had some hearts on it and said did I want to try it to see how it would look, and I said no, and she said should she just put it up, and I said yes. I kept thinking afterward that that was probably a very hurtful thing... maybe she didn't care. She'd forgotten about it when we left, but I still felt bad about it. That's why I think I haven't changed that much from when I was a little kid. ...meaning, when I was a little kid, I always felt sorry or sad about something or for someone... I guess if there was one word to define my personality back then, it'd be "sensitive." A lot of that's changed, since obviously I don't freaking cry anymore even when I feel like it (¬_¬) but maybe, on the inside, I'm still a pure-hearted oversensitive obedient child. ...in any case mum was going to meet AnJa and me at Foley's after she did some other stuff, since there wasn't anything at Mervyn's. There are about ten million silver jewelry carts at that mall and AnJa and I looked through all of them. A couple had unicorn charms, but they were ugly, and I'm still not sure whether or not Zuki has a charm bracelet, or even pierced ears O_o I mean, I love her completely, but that's not the kind of thing I think about, y'dig? So what I really wanted to get was a pendant for a necklace. And technically you could use a charm as a pendant, except you'd have to close it yourself because they don't close unless you solder them... solder is kind of a weird word because you don't pronounce it how it looks.
Now I'm having flashbacks to my jewelry class in 7th grade in which I... made jewelry ;o All the stuff I made really does look as though it was made by a 7th grader, but it was an interesting experience, and now I know how soldering works and can do it, too XD Let's see, what did I make... a clown pin that was actually pretty cool, I think. I don't know where it is now... maybe I gave it to mum. Well, it's not really a *clown* because I don't like clowns, but a harlequin/jester type. Since I was minorly obsessed with Harley Quinn and harlequin/jester types back then. It looks basically like H.Q. only with four head thingies instead of two... and of course, it's not coloured, but silver and copper. ;o Might be brass in there too... I forget, eh. Then there was a silver ring with copper stuff on the outside that said "ANJA" because it was present for AnJa. And also a pair of earrings that were daisies (silver petals and brass whatever-that-thing-in-the-centre-is-called)... which I also gave to AnJa. And a keychain shaped like a duck O_o The key ring goes through the eye-hole ^^()()()() Actually it's pretty cool, as far as duck silhouette keychains go. And finally... a penguin brooch that had a big white jewel for its tummy. I'm almost certain I gave that to mum, but honestly I just can't remember. I'll ask her if I can look through her jewelry and see if I find it ;o
...anyway, nothing at any of the mini jewelry cart thingums. At Foley's I looked around a lot because they have metric tonnes of jewelry there, but I still didn't find anything. I didn't look through everything because there was a lot of it, and a majority of it was disgustingly expensive, and I was extremely tired and sad. We waited for mum a long time and didn't know where she was... then Foley's closed so we went and sat outside on a bench. u_u Finally we saw her coming towards us and we were like "mum~!" and she was like "HERE you are" and we started walking back toward Mervyn's (does anyone out there know the correct grammatical usage of "toward" and "towards"? because I don't and I hate being incorrect grammatically as far as things other than run-on sentences go even when it's about something like "toward" and "towards" of which almost no-one actually knows the correct usage anyway) and it turns out mum had been in Foley's for a long time and didn't find us. Then she went back to Mervyn's, went out to the car, walked around the mall and didn't find us, so she was worried, and we'd been at Foley's the whole time and it kind of just sucked for everyone. She bought a couple things when she was at Foley's and we probably were too, we just didn't see each other O_o A necklace with kind of a groovy square-ish pendant that's shiny, a chain with a cross pendant, and a pendant of the Chinese character for "truth" or "faith." Mum kept saying things that I'm sure weren't meant to be angry or mean at all, but I was hearing them in a way that made them angry and mean, and I was half a nanometer from bursting into tears. I'm not sure if I was able to hide that from AnJa and mum or if they knew... in any case, on our way out, in Mervyn's, which was open until 10 although the rest of the mall closed at 9, I decided to buy the thing she'd shown me earlier with the hearts. The price tag said $40, but it turned out to be on sale for $19.99 ^_^ So we bought all those with the intent that I'd choose one to give to Zuki.
Then we went home and I was gonna go to bed but I decided to read the Sailor Moon manga volume #1 I got for my birthday and was almost done with that when Kefrin called, so I went and talked to her about going to the airport. She had a voice lesson at 10.30, which meant if she got a ride to the airport from us (which she wanted to do because she's afraid to drive to the airport ^^ [hey I'm not mocking, I'm afraid to drive PERIOD!!]) we wouldn't get there until like 11.40, and the flight was scheduled to leave at 12.06, so that was no good at all. Therefore, we called Dowhy (voice teacher) three-way and changed her lesson to 9.30. Then mum was like "go to bed." So I did, but I couldn't sleep, and I got up and watched the very end of SNL (on Tuesday night...) with AnJa while working on my picture present for Zuki. Then it ended and AnJa went and watched Robin Hood: Men in Tights in her room. I'd just seen it the night before, but I went and sat in there and drew anyway. I pretty much finished drawing the sketch of the picture, but of course I still need to fix the retarded pencil lines, ink and colour. Then I went to bed.
Mum woke me up at... actually I don't know what time it was, because the electricity went off a couple of days ago and I still haven't reset my clock. I think it was around nine. Anyway, Krystal was on the phone and she'd just woken up too. I remember she asked "did I wake you up?" and I thought about this friend mum has who always lies to people when they ask if they woke her up, because when they do, she instinctively says "no". ...and then I said "no," even though she did, but like mum's friend, I really didn't mean to lie. For some reason, I thought I had already been awake. Go fig. Krystal needed a ride to the airport so I got directions and stuff. Then, I drank some water and lay on the hammock outside for a while, after which I got off the hammock and sat on the glider with mum. Then AnJa got up and came and sat with us outside. We had amusing times with a little tree that won't die even though dad mows over it with the lawnmower (which was extremely amusing to both AnJa and self)... and also tried to figure out what exactly "tarnation" is, and how it seems like it might be a nicer way of saying "damnation," except that it doesn't make sense to say "What in damnation is going on here?" So I decided to say "Where in damnation have you been?" when Kefrin arrived. Actually, I just told mum and AnJa I was going to say that, because I thought it would be funny. I never planned to say it to her at all. Isn't that interesting. Then I went inside... and... yeah... ummm... don't remember what happened then. I got dressed, Kefrin showed up, we got Krystal, went to the airport, hung out with Zuki and everyone for about an hour and a half. I decided to give her the faith character put on the same chain with the cross... I'm going to keep the heart necklace because I actually really like it o_O()()() and take back the other necklace thingum.
And then she left, and we watched the plane leave, and I couldn't cry and it sucked.
Took Krystal home. Went to Taco Cabana with mum and Kefrin, which was nice. I think mum offered to take us there because she's nice and we were pretty obviously depressed. I love you, mommy *hug* ^_^ Then the three of us went to Wal-Mart to get... umm... I forget what. There were a couple different things, but all I remember is the bottom-watering pot for her plant. We also looked at seeds and plants, and I asked if I could grow catnip, and mum laughed but I was serious ;o Then I got a spathiphyllum because I've wanted a plant for a long time and looove spathiphylla but the one I had before (Rupert) died and it traumatised me so I didn't have a plant at all for like four years. I thought about naming my new plant Rupert II, but Kefrin suggested Frederick and I thought that was also a good name. *shrug* So I've got a new spathiphyllum in my room named Frederick. Now I can breathe better air while I sleep. ...ehhh. I love plants!
...tried two more times to beat Deus in Xenogears. Got dratted close the first time (died at Ultimate Break or whatever that thing is called) and might have gotten close the second time if stupid Deus didn't stupid kill stupid Rico when I was just about to restore 50% Frame HP. *hsss* I dunno why I'm so stupid that I can't beat Deus even though I've tried like five times... I suck!! And I didn't have trouble with any other bosses except for Miang in... oh, I forget what it was called. Psychobubble or something. And I beat her easily when I put on some Ether armor, anyway. Of course I did lose to the rotted Deus the first time, but that's the kind of boss you can't just BEAT since you have to know what's going down, and I didn't because I've not looked at a single strategy for Xenogears and have no idea what's going to happen next ;o
Eeeeek! I just found out I'm at the final boss XO But there's still stuff that needs to happen! Stupid Xenogears *kick* I thought there was going to be more Sigurd exposition... *kick* Bah. The team got sick of making it once they got to disc 2 because that whole bit is just like a slide show >_< If they'd actually done all the stuff on disc 2 for *real,* it probably would have been almost as long as disc 1... augh, now I don't want to beat Deus, because it's the last boss, but I do, because it's the last boss, but I guess mostly I do because then I can start on all my other RPGs that I wouldn't start before because I can't stand to play more than one at a time. O_o Oh and I never found the chuffing Godfather gun!!! After I finish the game, I'm gonna get a strategy guide, cos it'll point out all the secrets I missed, and will have character profiles and pretty artwork! ^_^ I got it used, so I don't even have mini-profiles from an instruction manual. I love pretty pictures *hugs pretty Xenogears art*
Patrice's description of Citan: "Citan's this pacifist doctor dude, but he still slices everyone up with a samurai sword."
Yeah ;o Citan rocks, eh ;o
Xenogears Conversation between Patrice and Raicchan who were the ones who'd played it:
R: *summarising the end of disc 1* Oh, Citan's a traitor! ...no he's not. WAIT!! Yes he IS!!! ...no he's not!!! Wait.... OH NO! Citan's a... wait.
P: And then it turns out he IS a traitor, but it's actually a GOOD thing!
Oh yeah O_o I hope you didn't read this if you didn't want Xenogears spoilers.
....so anyway, yesterday Zuki and I went DDRing at Gameworks. Rather, we just went to Gameworks intending to play lots of DDR, and Cooper came too. They only had the USA mix though... however, they did have Dynamite Rave (which I'd actually never heard, I just knew Slimu dug it), Dub I Dub, and a Smile.dk song (Boys) that I'd also never heard, but dug anyway because it was Smile.dk. I totally rocked out on Beginner mode but sucked on Standard. Oh well!! Nobody's good when they first start, I don't think... there was this little like four-foot-tall pudgy kid with a bottle of Sprite who was totally insane!! He was doing the hardest steps perfectly!! I know he must have memorised them... and then later these two other guys came in and did all the steps perfectly too. I also played House of the Dead 2 (I was the hot one!!) and Virtua Fighter something (Pai Chan, and I beat the crud outta Zuki and Cooper most of the time). Then... AnJa came and she and Zuki played House of the Dead 2 again. Cooper and I played Marvel vs. Capcom (Marrow's in it! She's so cool!) and some game with machine guns that was really fun.
Later tonight, I went to the library with Shanana and mum (we had gone to pick Shanana up because she's staying at our house tonight [she's visiting from Alaska]). I wanted to check out the unabridged Les Miserables but they didn't have it... so, I got a biography of Frederick the Great by... some guy whose name I forgot and don't want to go look at, Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats by T.S. Eliot, and a Kahlil Gibran book called Spirit Brides. When we got home, we (mum, dad, AnJa, Shanana, self) watched Clue. It was funny. ;o
...then, because AnJa hadn't gotten to go to Taco Cabana earlier (she was at work) and Shanana hadn't eaten supper, they went to Taco Cabana, and I tagged along because I wanted to drink soda and eat tortillas ^_^ I still have some soda left. ::drinks Dr Pepper::
Conversation from the airport:
R: I'll play the quiet game if you buy me a soda.
Z: You'd do anything for a soda.
R: No I wouldn't. Well, mostly anything. But, like, I wouldn't pay someone. ...I mean, I wouldn't pay them like more than the soda cost.
Z: Yeah.
Oh, and I'm not being rude to a guest by writing this while I've got one. That's because Shanana and AnJa are entertaining themselves by watching Muppet Treasure Island which is a fantastic movie but I've seen it so many times and I felt like writing this instead. *shrug* Shanana has a thing for Tim Curry. Tim Curry is cool.
In conclusion: If anybody sees me sitting around looking depressed, and says "you look like you've just lost your best friend," I'm going to punch them in the face.