23 Oct 01

Dr Pepper: Nevermind

Bursting with my heartbeat! Bursting with your energy! Bursting us into the innocent affection tonight!!!!

I'm home from school today. This morning I felt very cruddy, as I also did yesterday morning, and every morning last week. However, last week I had to go to school every day because there was PSAT (we got to take it at school instead of going in on Saturday, yei) and the Choir concert was Thursday, so my presence at rehearsals was, unfortunately, vital. Cos Scurlock was basically making death threats to anyone who didn't show up at rehearsal. And this morning I woke up too late as usual and just sorta thought... why go to school today? It'll be the first day I've missed, I don't feel good, and there's nothing too important I'll be missing. I've got U.S. History (I'll just make up a freakishly easy quiz and copy the notes from someone), Study Hall (ooh, difficulty), Soundsations (they just worked on music, I can catch up on that quickly enough), and Webmastering (they'll probably work on their country projects most of the period after learning some minute bit of HTML, and I was planning to make my site at home anyway).

PSAT, bwaaa. I did... okay on it. I was hoping to do really well. Except for that one time, I always got every question right on the practice things... but there had to be.. "DOCKET." What in sweet nirvana's a DOCKET! Of course I know NOW, but I didn't THEN, you see. And of course DOCKET wasn't the only one *shrug* Many questions existed to which I did not know the answers.

Jamie and Maxim both puppy-slapped me back to reality re: my "I suck, lynch me" ranting in the last journal entry. Thanks =3 I have.... very, very high expectations of myself. It's not to say that I have high GOALS, because a goal is something you want to achieve and are happy if you do. With expectations, if you achieve them, you're not excited or anything, and if you DON'T achieve them, it means you failed. But it's not really that I sit there thinking "I expect that I will be the top of my class and get National Merit Scholar on the PSAT etc. etc. etc.", because I'm not that arrogant. But things like that are still expectations to me, because if I don't get National Merit Scholar, and I don't make All-State Choir, etc. I'm going to be disappointed in myself and feel like I failed. Maybe part of that has to do with the fact that AnJa got National Merit Scholar and made All-State in her junior year, but I don't think that's the main issue. I've always had these obscenely high standards for myself that are probably very unrealistic... but I don't think that's something I can change about myself. I've been this way since at least first grade, maybe before. The problem is... it's not like my parents or teachers or anyone is pushing me too hard and giving me issues. I'm giving them to myself, and I've always been giving them to myself. On the contrary, my parents and teachers (at least up until middle school) were always trying to get me to relax about stuff.

Maybe I don't cope with change very well. I'm not as happy as I used to be. At school with my friends and random stuff, I laugh and have fun just as much, and I'm just as happy when I'm playing games or on the computer or something, but when I'm by myself not doing anything or just when I'm eating supper with mum and dad... I just feel sad, and I don't think I always did. I know it's because I miss AnJa a lot... see, it's not like I call her all the time and want to talk forever, or that when she's here I'm constantly hanging around her and don't leave her alone... I just feel better when she's here. Kind of a sense of well-being. Like being on drugs. XD

I'm trying to learn Kuja's theme for the piano, but my hands are too puny to play the bottom part properly =+ Well, I'll learn it eventually if I really try =D

There are these ugly little things in my house that look like the miniature love-child of a moth and a cockroach. Also, this weird moth thing was in my room the other day and I thought it was dead, but when I nudged it with a piece of paper, it started walking around... that night I got it onto a piece of paper and threw it across the room, and it just crawled up and stood on the piece of paper. It always just stands totally still with its antenna blowing around from the fan acting like it's dead and I HATE IT. Then yesterday when I got home from school it was on my comforter JUST STANDING THERE, and I yelled at it .-. Then last night it was of course still there because IT NEVER MOVES, THE STUPID THING THAT I HATE, and I tried to do the paper thing again but it turns out it really was dead this time. But I didn't want to touch it because I have problems with stuff, so I just very carefully moved the comforter far away and slept with a different one. I can't kill bugs. Untrue! I can kill ants. But I can't kill anything else, even when I hate hate HATE them. I also freak out when they get close to me. This is because I am phobic.

I am obsessed with Sana Mollete ne Ente B.L.T. Style. =3

My back REALLY HURTS. I want it to stop. BOOYAKA!

Yesterday after school mum and I went to McDonald's and she got an ice cream cone and I got a soda. Deliciousity/deliciousness. We were driving home and there was this kitten on the sidewalk in front of Albertson's about to run out in front of a truck but then it didn't... and mum stopped and I got out and tried to get it so we could take it somewhere and help it, and stuff... we spent twenty minutes trying to get her (it was a she) and she was so skittish we never could... it made me very sad. Parp. T_T

As per usual, I must talk of Andromeda! BEKA, YOU SLUT. AAARGH. Huh, it's creepy how Harper was all freakin' out last episode and stuff, and this episode he magically got over it O_O Narky! Oh well, I wuv Harper just as much when he's obnoxious as when he's freakin' out. (Pwatonic wuv) Rommy, you're mean for dissing Harper, he worked so hard making that fake thingum. As for my previous statement that Tyr/Beka was wrong because she wasn't cool enough, I retract: Beka got a lot cooler, but now she's a slut too, bwaa. In conclusion, Tyr/Beka is STILL wrong, not because she's not cool enough, but just because I dun like it .-. Why is "Seamus" pronounced like "Shame us"? (ho ho ho!) I feel like making a page about Andromeda just so I can put little quotes/descriptions about all the characters on each of their profile pages. Dylan's would say "Dylan is a manwhore", and Beka's would say "random blonde lady", and Harper's would say "that one kid who was really obnoxious". (That's what my dad called him after watching a couple minutes of the show =3!)

MY FRIEND KIM HAS SEEN THE OUTER LIMITS EPISODE WITH BRAD SWAILE ON IT. *jealousy envy* I am determined to see it. To that end, the TV Guide.com listings for Outer Limits are saved to my favourites so I can check every day to see if it'll be on within the next two or three weeks ^_^()()() The answer today is NO, but perhaps two weeks from tomorrow it'll be on!

I feel like losing at cards on FFIX or watching some Kenshin DVDs that I borrowed from Chris or watching the Saturday morning cartoons from this last Saturday. I think I will go do one of those. So.... bye and stuff. Booyaka.

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