So, like. I guess I've kind of been putting off writing this... at first it was my normal laziness, because I really did have stuff to talk about that's like normal journal stuff. I almost feel like I should write two journal entries about the time period I've missed, partially because it's been so long (the longest ever interval between entries, in fact) and partially because the tone kind of, well, shifts radically. But whatever, I'll just write, and if it gets to be really long and I'm like "no more writing," I'll say that's one and then write whatever else I need to talk about in another one. Anyway, I made a new layout as a present for making both of you wait so long for a new entry. (little joke, 'bout that big) Gaze on the wonders of Sage and her noteworthy backside XP Because Sage is cool, and since she's only *really* BEEN in one series that has barely run more than a year, I had to take whatever layout-worthy pics I could get. Maybe this layout is PG-rated, hmmm. Oh well, none of you care. I worked hard anyway. I even had to edit javascript all by myself to do the sidescrolling at the bottom there. =O And I DON'T mean editing as in putting in the correct images and stuff, I mean EDITING the JAVASCRIPT. It was hard but I did it~~~~ SO ANYWAY
Let's see, at one point a while ago I wrote down a bunch of stuff on notebook paper that I wanted to make sure to talk about in a journal entry. I will get that out. Shnark =O Let's see, first thing on the list: "mad at Jamie." ::initially forgot what on earth I was talking about:: Ah, it's because on the day of Soundsations tryouts, she was like "Oh, I left my form at home, so I can't try out, anyway it's not like I would make it," so I got really mad =| Because, seriously, Greg and Jamie are my best friends at school, I barely thought Soundsations was worth it THIS year, and next year since Greg's a senior he won't be there anymore. Anyway, she DID get the form signed but she forgot it so I forged her mother's signature on another form she picked up O_O()()()() Well, she didn't make it... but I'm not mad at her because she did at least try. But if she'd actually taken the time to learn her song, maybe she would have made it T_T Oh well. I'm kind of starting to regret signing up for Soundsations again. I hope it turns out better than it did this year... that is, fall semester was horridly ikky, but after that it was okay, so I hope it's okay all year. I think we're not going to be doing as much stuff next year, so that's good. The problem is... originally, Scur didn't expect me to take Soundsations because it wasn't *me*. However, since I DID take it this year, I have an obligation to take it again. I don't know, she seems to think that her students all owe her something... blah...
Um, I went to see Spider-Man a looong time ago O_O() I've seen it twice, both within the same week, the week AFTER it first came out. I really like it. Willem Dafoe is totally awesome, and whoever it is that plays Harry Osborne is majorly good-looking. LA.
SO. LIKE. I also saw Star Wars episode II, and I thought it was really good. The love scenes were not good, but I liked it a lot otherwise. Little Boba Fett is preciously cute and incredibly hilarious with his small-child enthusiasm-- that is, little kids always get excited about whatever they're doing with their parents, so in his case, he gets excited about killing people, which is amusing to no end XD()()() And his little "huh-huh-huh" laugh is soo funny too O_O() I wanna give him a hug! Anyway, the moral of the love story = If you persistently hit on the person you like, even after they reject you outright more than a few times, eventually they'll like you back too XP The Kaminoans rock my socks. They're sooo pretty!
Oh, I also saw the Harry Potter movie, just a couple days ago, because I just finished reading the first two books. Well, I'd only read the first one when I saw the movie, but I read the second one today (or yesterday, since I don't have my FTP info right now-- more on that later). I didn't know Alan Rickman was in it! Alan Rickman is SOOOO cool! He's like, my FAVOURITE! Like, EVER! Because he's SO COOL! HOORAY FOR ALAN RICKMAN!!!111!
I took my SATs the weekend after I first stopped writing in my journal and I got my results about a week ago, I guess. I got a 1440. ..... I'm not happy with that. .... I'm almost certain I would do better if I took it again... but really, what's the point? I don't know... I just feel kind of ashamed. Sometimes I don't like my stupid friend Cooper. He's really smart, but he doesn't try to conceal the fact that he's aware of that. Well, I think I got higher on PSAT than he did, so he can just put that in his bong and smoke it D=< Even though I sucked hardcore compared to him on the SATs. I'm upset because my projected score from PSAT was a 1520 and I only got a 1440. The reason I think I WOULD do better if I took it again is because I wasted time on the math section and didn't finish... so, were I to retake it, I would make sure not to waste time... and... umm... yeah. I hate feeling inferior to anybody whatsoever, even though it's sometimes unrealistic for me to expect myself to be as good as some people. But I hate that, too. Not only the idea that I'm not as good as somebody else, but that no matter how hard I try or how hard I work, I'll *never* be as good. ... argh.
Guys & Dolls happened. Yay. Chris Q. played the main chick's grandfather. Melissa T. was really good as Adelaide. It had some cute songs, but I'm glad I decided not to be in it *shrug* In fact... I don't know, I'm kind of thinking I don't want to be in the musical next year, either... I don't think I would be comfortable with it. I do want to try out for all the non-musical productions... even though I guess most people would consider me more of a singer than an actress, seeing as I've been in choir since 7th grade and haven't taken theatre at all except for nine disastrous weeks in sixth grade that I hated a lot because the theatre teacher was... um, let's not go into that on second thought XP ........ but my POINT is that I don't think I would feel as awkward just *acting* than singing and musical-theatre-acting... because normal acting isn't like musical theatre acting, ya know. And like, I think to myself about what the female roles in musicals usually are... I just can't see myself as that. The only semi-lead of a musical I can picture myself playing would be Chava from Fiddler on the Roof. And little Bielke of course. But she was a bit minor and stupid Mr. A made her more minor T_T (I had one big line: "We're going on a train and a boat!" and he SPLIT it so that Schprintze said "we're going on a train" and I said "and a boat", even though Schprintze already had like twice as many lines as I did and got to do all the cute stuff too but I'm not bitter)
I've been having trouble with my mom lately. Well, I don't think she knows we're having trouble.... but I'm just becoming more cynical about the things she says and stuff. Like... I don't know, it seems like the whole family has some sort of stupid thing like "Well I thought you were going to wait here" "I thought this though so I went here", and I'll be like "Let's just drop it" because REALLY, we've already explained what the misunderstanding was and why there was a misunderstanding, but one time she got on me because I was just trying to hide from confrontation or something and kept it going, and I mean, SERIOUSLY, she just keeps repeating herself and explaining why she's right and everyone else is wrong. I think she can't help it, because she was a debater in high school, so her style of discussion automatically tends toward finding ways to make her opponent's position seem foolish and wrong. Still, it really bothers me. I don't think people should run away from confrontation, but if everything's already been said, what good does it do to keep talking about it? Also, I think she likes talking about people doing mean things to her or us... like, my aunt Karen is manic-depressive, and she used to be really bad about yelling and doing things like throwing us out of the house or whatever... but a little while ago, aunt Chris was here (Chris is mum's sister and Karen is dad's sister-in-law) and the conversation turned towards Karen somehow and mum was like, "Oh, the stuff SHE used to do" and I was like "Let's not bring that up," but mum just sort of gave me this look and went on to tell Chris in detail all the stuff Karen did anyway. And I'm like... what's up with that? What good does it do to badmouth somebody? I understand that she did unjust stuff that hurt us, but why does mum want to keep old wounds open like that? Why does Chrissy care if somebody she's never met used to do mean stuff? Why would mum want to talk about it all unless she enjoyed setting herself up as a victim? She does that, too. Whenever she retells an argument she had with someone, she always has them being abrupt and usually does a dumb-sounding voice to represent them too... and of course, when she talks about what SHE HERSELF did, she always has herself being very meek and persecuted and Right, whereas the other person is most obviously Very Stupid and Wrong. Okay, last Friday, for our exam in English, we were going to be reading the college essays we wrote as our actual final exams and eating and stuff. She had said people should bring food if they wanted to, enough for the whole class, like cookies or doughnuts or something. But I thought since that was gonna be in the morning it would be fun to eat Chick-fil-A for breakfast. I asked my English teacher if that would be all right, and she was like "hmm" and she asked some people who were in there if it would offend them (I was in after school for something) and they were like "no" so she was like "okay." So then I went home that night and at dinner I told mum and dad about what I was gonna do and that I wanted to leave a little earlier than usual so we could stop by Chick-fil-A and I could buy breakfast for me and Jamie. And Dad was like "okah." But mum got all quiet and put this disapproving look on her face-- I hate that look, I feel like I see it so much these days-- and then she went into this whole schpiel about how that would be rude and etc. etc. and I was like "Mrs. Richards said it was okay" and she was all "That doesn't make it RIGHT" so what, is she now calling my English teacher a cur or something? Then she went on to compare it to a potluck dinner where everyone is supposed to bring a dish for everybody to share, but what if one person just brought some McDonald's for themselves. And I'm like, you can't even compare it to that, because half the kids in English class weren't going to be bringing any food at all-- it wasn't like we were SUPPOSED to bring food for the entire class-- I mean, she was like, "we're gonna have food, so if you want to, bring some"... and then all of a sudden since mum was all like that, Dad had to start disapproving too and joining in the argument, because he does that too. As soon as mum decides something is Wrong, Dad will join her side, even if he never had a problem with it before. Then Mum magically went on to list a number of other breaches of etiquette, ALL of which had me as the person who did the Terribly Rude and Boorish thing, and whatever other person the epitome of elegance and Goodness-- sometimes she herself was also involved in the story, and then she was the Trying To Smooth Things Out Delicately After The Very Horrifying and Unacceptable Thing Done By Me. But really... there are so many things that she's always careful to tell me to do or not to do because it's rude to not do or do them, so then I start thinking that way too-- but HONESTLY, about 60% of the stuff she tells me-- if she hadn't told me it was offensive or not polite or whatever, I would never think to be offended by it. And they started going into this "Appearance of Evil" thing and BLAH. Really! Do they think the high schoolers of the planet murmur to each other behind their notebooks about how very Ruuuuude so-and-so person is for bringing a sandwich to class and NOOOT SHARING. Well anyway I asked to be excused and went up to my room and cried a little bit. Mum's been making me cry a lot lately. She didn't know about it that time, but a few weeks ago, we'd gotten a late start-- mum had come in to wake me up a couple times, and at around 8.25, maybe a little after, she came up again and I was washing my face or something and she was all, "Oh, it's a good thing you're up, you were about to be in trouble." So then later we were in the car and I asked why I would be in trouble, since I'M the one who gets hurt if I'm late. She got very upset about that and went on a rant about how she makes my lunch and breakfast and wakes me up and all I have to do is dress myself and go downstairs and it's so selfish of me to say that and it shows that I don't even notice and appreciate what she does for me etc. etc. etc. I didn't even know what to say after all that. I always thank her for doing all that stuff for me, but I didn't think bringing that up would help. Anyway, I know I'm a useless lazy slacker bum with no redeeming value to the family who still has to be babied because she can't wake up by herself, or whatever, and I KNOW she does a lot of stuff for me in the morning, but I've ALWAYS appreciated that. I don't see what was so wrong about my question or why it shows that I don't appreciate her. I mean, it's true that SHE'S not the one that gets counted tardy or has to go to detention. That's all I meant. I just didn't see why I would be in trouble for getting myself late to school-- even if she does do a lot for me in the mornings, it is TOTALLY no skin off her back if I'm late. She has to come pick me up anyway, so why does it matter if it's at 4 when school gets out or at 5 when detention gets out? But she's been doing that a lot lately too-- sort of accusing us of being selfish and not appreciating or caring or noticing. I don't know. Maybe I shouldn't have typed all this up, because remembering it all has kind of upset me again... still, I guess it's good to get it out =/
The epilogue of that day is that she then felt like a terrible mother and went on a very long walk after she got home trying to figure out where she had Failed Horribly in raising us since AnJa had just gotten back from college and was sleeping until 1pm or later every day and I of course was a useless lazy slacker bum but nonetheless she felt bad about making me cry in the morning and sending me off to a Nice Day at School with that as the tone.... and she didn't take any water with her on her very long walk and she got heat stroke which sucked but she's okay now. =| She apologised for that morning later... because there was really another reason she was so upset about stuff in general.... which I'll get to in a while. I guess. I have some other stuff I wanna talk about before I get into the gloom. As if all this weren't bad enough o_o() I know all four of you who'll read this are probably skimming it anyway, so it doesn't matter.
***INSERT HUGE ENORMOUS GAP***
Whee. That last part was written so long ago I can't even remember exactly when. I'll use my deduction skillz to figure it out. Ah, I think it was the 3rd. Of June. ....Yeeeah, that's it. The 3rd... of June.
***I didn't feel like writing that night and I wrote most of the rest of the entry on the 26th but the file was too big o_o So I split it here***